Absolutely, you can discover love online. However, you might also find yourself enamored with a savvy con artist who will deceive you into trusting them and then rob you completely. This occurs far too frequently.
In 2019, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) received over 25,000 reports regarding romance scams. According to recent data released this week, victims indicated they lost $201 million to these scams last year, reflecting an increase of nearly 40% from 2018. For the last two years, romance scams have resulted in greater financial losses than any other type of scam reported to the FTC.
Romance scammers create fake profiles on popular dating platforms and apps. They also target individuals through direct messaging on social media platforms. Their objective is to win your affection and then seize your funds. Victims can suffer losses amounting to hundreds of thousands of dollars and, in some cases, even their entire life savings.
A cautionary account
Joyce, a divorcee residing in the greater Chicago area, fell victim to a scheme that led her to give $200,000 to a man she encountered online. He manipulated her into sending him all her savings, half of her retirement funds, and the proceeds from two loans she secured for him.
“It has been devastating. I can’t manage my bills, and I’m constantly anxious about money,” Joyce (who requested that her last name not be used) told NBC News BETTER. “I intended to retire this year, but I am unable to because I lack savings. Now I have to look for a second job to cover those loans.”
As is frequently the case with such scams, this online romance existed solely through text or email. Nonetheless, the relationship felt authentic to Joyce.
“They communicate with you so affectionately that it’s hard to believe they would deceive you,” she expressed. “It’s as if you are navigating life with blinders on.”
While older individuals typically lose larger amounts of money when falling victim to a romance scam, anyone can be deceived by the fraudulent profiles and stolen images of attractive men and women.
“This is the ultimate con, and these individuals excel at their craft,” stated Amy Nofziger, director of fraud victim support at the AARP Fraud Watch Network. “You’ve never actually met them, but you’ve viewed a photograph and engaged in extensive conversations via text or phone. They declare you’re the love of their life, thus earning your trust.”
Breaking down the scam
Joyce began her quest for a partner in March of 2019 on a well-known website for individuals over 50. She quickly found herself in a relationship online with Joel, who claimed to be an architect, also divorced, living in a nearby community in Illinois.
In an email to Joyce (which she shared with NBC News BETTER), Joel referred to himself as an “intelligent, smart, honest” individual with “a lot of love in my heart to give to my beloved woman.”
Before long, they transitioned off the dating platform and began texting each other multiple times a day. When Joyce requested photos and a copy of his driver’s license, Joel provided them. (The Illinois Secretary of State’s office informed us that the license is fraudulent.)
In just a few months, Joel began referring to Joyce as his “wife to be,” and she believed they were destined to marry. “You are my fantasy, my love, and my dream,” he wrote in one of his many affectionate text messages. He even sent her flowers for Easter.
Joyce wanted to have a FaceTime call with him, but he always had an excuse for why he couldn’t do it. She urged him to meet in person, but he continued to provide more excuses for why that wasn’t possible.
Eventually, Joel said he would be traveling to Lisbon for business. Upon his return, he claimed they could start their lives together.
The first request for funds came shortly thereafter, more than three months into the deception. Joel explained it was a loan needed for a business opportunity in Lisbon that would be mutually beneficial once they were married. He emphasized that it was a loan and she would receive interest in return. Thus, Joyce sent the money, following his instructions, using Bitcoin.
This was merely the beginning of numerous money requests. When Joyce grew wary and expressed her concerns, Joel reassured her that he was trustworthy and had no intention of stealing her money. “I love you genuinely and intend to spend my eternity with you,” he messaged.
So how could this scenario unfold? How could she send such a significant amount of money to someone she had never met or even spoken to?
“I cannot explain it,” Joyce admitted. “You just kind of feel brainwashed.”
This is what makes romance scams particularly frightening — the criminals understand exactly what to say and do to create a web of deceit.
“These scammers invest considerable time in getting acquainted with their target. Once they establish that rapport, it becomes easier to manipulate and deceive them,” explained Stephanie Carruthers, Chief People Hacker at IBM X-Force Red, who uses the pseudonym Snow.
NBC News BETTER asked the X-Force Red team to investigate whether they could uncover anything about Joel using the images he sent Joyce and the email and phone numbers he provided. They were unable to find anything. Carruthers noted that his fake identity was likely so new that it hadn’t appeared on any romance scam alert websites yet.
A novel kind of relationship scam: The sugar daddy scheme
Some individuals seek a different kind of connection online. Young men and women—termed “sugar babies”—visit platforms that link them with older individuals (called “sugar daddies” or “sugar mommas”) who agree to provide gifts or cash in return for companionship. This type of relationship may involve sex, but it is not always the case.
“Sugaring websites have millions of users, along with many fraudsters. They impersonate sugar daddies or sugar mommas, claiming they will pay off their victim’s debts, but it’s merely a deceit to obtain their credit card or bank details,” warns Fraud.org.
“The platforms where individuals seek sugar daddies or sugar babies are filled with scammers,” stated Fraud.org’s John Breyault. “Complaints have skyrocketed. For this reason, we recommend against seeking a sugar daddy or sugar momma online.”
Ways to avoid being scammed
We were curious about what the industry is doing to safeguard its users, so we reached out to Match Group, which operates 10 well-known dating sites, including Tinder, Match, and OkCupid.
The company opted not to engage in a discussion with us but shared a link to its Safety Center where users are advised not to send money to anyone they encounter on one of its platforms and to report anyone who requests it. The Safety Center also mentions having “a dedicated team and advanced technology” that monitors for fraud on Match Group’s sites.
Essentially, you’re largely on your own, according to fraud specialists speaking to NBC News BETTER. You must recognize the warning signs of romance scams and know how to utilize online tools, such as Google image search to detect fake photos or BeenVerified (a paid service) to confirm an identity. Romance Scams.org provides thorough instructions on this process.
So proceed with caution. If something appears suspicious or slightly off, listen to your instincts—don’t allow your emotions to cloud your judgment. And regardless of how intensely someone declares their affection for you, never send money or gifts to someone you haven’t met in person.
“Love is a very strong emotion, and scammers exploit that to destroy lives, so tread carefully,” Breyault warned.