Cunnilingus has gone from an unspoken pastime to the front page of every magazine. But most people struggle to understand how to give the best oral sex to a woman. The female gentiles have long been regarded as a mysterious zone without a surefire way to pleasure it. It is personal to each vulva owner. If you’re wondering how to perform cunnilingus, I’ll tell you all of the areas you need to learn how to tempt with your tongue.
Female oral pleasure shouldn’t be a mystery. It should be part and parcel of every sexual encounter and experience.
How female arousal is different (but also the same)
Illustrations of penises and erections can be found on bathroom stall walls and cave paintings alike.
Why?
The penis is easy to draw, and male erections are visible to the naked eye.
What many are unfortunately unaware of is the fact that women get erections as well.
If that surprises you, you should check out my other article here.
The main difference (other than visibility) is that female erections take time.
As I always state, it takes 10-15 minutes of non-genital stimulation and 10-15 of external genital stimulation for a complete female erection.
At least most of the time.
The clitoral body swells with blood and other sexual secretions with adequate sensual play. This causes the vagina to “tent” or expand for the penis. It also allows for vaginal lubrication to occur.
Once a woman has gotten the desired level of wetness, vaginal penetration is easier and far more pleasurable.
But 10-15 minutes of external genital stimulation sounds like a lot. It may sound overwhelming if you don’t know what areas you’re looking for.
The vulva & cunnilingus techniques
Many people mistakenly call the vulva the vagina. The vulva is all the visible and external parts of the female genitals. This includes the pubic mound, the labia, the clitoris, the U-spot, and the V-spot.
You may be scratching your head about those. Let me walk you through it.
The pubic mound
The pubic mound is the flesh that encases the vulva and vagina. It’s usually covered in pubic hair and is a rather sensitive zone.
While it may not sound sexy, the pubic mound is essential for female pleasure.
During the initial arousal stages, apply gentle pressure and stimulation to the pubic mound. It can be pleasurable and beneficial.
If you want to bring pleasure to your partner before cunnilingus begins, start by cupping her pubic mound. With your fingers close to the opening and the palm of your hand resting on the fleshy part.
Gently rub and put pressure on this area for a few minutes. Doing this will help draw blood to create the clitoral erection you need to give the best oral sex possible.
This is also a fantastic technique if your female partner is apprehensive about sexual touch.
One of the most common causes of vaginismus is sexual anxiety. If this happens in your relationship, ask your partner if she would be comfortable with vulva cupping. But it is crucial that this not always lead to sex. This should be a friendly form of desensitization.
The labia
The labia or “lips” of the vulva are highly sensitive and are often ignored. There are two sets of lips, the majora and minora, outer and inner, respectively.
Licking, rubbing, and gently sucking these areas are crucial for a full and powerful female erection.
This is where you should get started when giving oral sex to a vulva owner.
The U-spot
The U-spot is the small but incredibly arousing region between the visible clitoris and the urethra. Roughly 1-2 cm in length, this is a hotbed of nerve endings.
The urethra plays a critical role in female ejaculation or squirting. Stimulating this area with a finger or tongue is the ideal precursor to full-blown oral sex.
Your partner may feel the urge to urinate after you’ve begun stoking this area with your tongue. That’s perfectly normal, but odds are she doesn’t have to pee.
The build of female ejaculate puts pressure on the urethra, which is why she may feel like she has to urinate.
Just relax and breathe through it!
Ejaculate may or may not come.
Just make sure you do urinate before and after sex.
The V-spot
The V-spot is only for touching after you’ve noticed the woman’s lubrication. The V-spot is found at the bottom of the vaginal opening.
This area often likes firm pressure and/or vibrations, so feel free to use a finger, a vibrator, or both!
This can also be an area associated with squirting for some women.
Another great way to stimulate this area is with a few fingers. It is often very receptive to three or four fingers and gently pushed down. The stretching sensation is very, very pleasurable.
The visible clitoris
All the above actions are ways of indirectly stimulating the clitoral body. But the external clitoris is the confirmed ticket to female orgasm and pleasure.
Each vulva is unique and beautiful. You must pay close attention to your partner’s moans, movements, and commands to give the best oral sex possible.
Licking around the visible clitoris is a great way to provide stimulation. You can try a variety of motions here to the provider with the best oral sex of her life. If you want to directly touch the visible clitoris with your tongue, be cautious. Your partner may not enjoy that.
Hopefully, by this point, the visible clitoris has become erect and enlarged. This gives you an easy target to work with.
How to perform cunnilingus
Foreplay, or sensual play as sexologists refer to it, is non-negotiable. Taking your time and going through the motions is mandatory for a pleasurable sexual experience.
So start your sensual romp with a full body massage, warm bath, or lots of skin-to-skin contact, ideally naked.
Not only will this get your partner in a highly aroused state of mind, but it will begin the erection process. Then, follow these steps to learn how to perform cunnilingus:
Getting started
Give her several minutes of full body play and contact. Including thigh massages, breast and nipple stimulation, and other fabulous sexual appetizers. Then, you can move forward towards external genital stimulation.
Start by cupping and placing gentle pressure on the pubic mound. Gently massage the outer lips of the vulva for a few minutes as well.
Going downtown
When you’re ready to start going down on her, begin by licking the outside of the lips gently. But don’t open up the labia just yet. Running your tongue with varying pressure along the lips is your first step for oral sex.
Move the lips apart gently with your tongue. You can also hold them open with your fingers, but be very gentle! The top area of the vulva is incredibly sensitive to these kinds of opening pressures.
Vulva-GPS
Lick, stroke, and suck the labia enthusiastically. Then, turn your attention to the U-spot. Again, that is the area between the vaginal opening and the visible clitoris.
Use your tongue and varying pressure to trace along this area for an extended time. This is the ideal way to get a full erection while setting her up for a powerful orgasm.
You can use a finger or a few to tempt the V-spot as well during this time, assuming she’s into that.
Remember to slightly hook your finger, and gently pull down. You may get a shocking response in a good way.
Turning your attention to the clitoris is a time for caution and consistency. Trace circles, try a darting motion, or suck on the clitoris directly. Whatever your partner asks for.
What should I know before performing cunnilingus?
First off, communication is important. Getting and giving consent is the most important thing to do before engaging in any kind of sexual activity: “Make sure that you have discussed this in advance and the person wants this to happen, and they are enthusiastically looking forward to enjoying this activity with you,” says Janet Brito, PhD, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and founder of The Hawaii Center for Sexual Health.
While discussing your respective comfort levels, you can also ask your partner about their preferences, too, says Carolanne Marcantonio, LCSW, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and co-creator of Wise Therapy.
“Good sex comes with good communication,” she explains. “Some people might like some biting; they might like a pull of labia, or biting around the clitoral hood, or even feeling very firm pressure with a tongue directly on a clit. Others would prefer to keep underwear on.” Knowing what your partner likes ahead of time can help you both have the best experience possible.
Also, know that your partner’s vulva will taste, well, like a vagina, Brito adds. That is to say, it could be sour, sharp, sweet, musky, or acidic—and as long as the odor isn’t particularly fishy, which could be a sign of an infection, its smell is perfectly healthy.
“It’s not a rose garden. It’s a vulva, and there’s going to be a scent,” she says. People with vaginas are often socialized to worry about the way they smell or taste down there, and Brito emphasizes that the person performing cunnilingus should “appreciate that scent” instead of making their partner feel self-conscious.
And what should I know before receiving oral sex?
Speaking of healthy vaginas, do *not* worry about douching! Washing out your vagina can disrupt its natural bacteria, and even cause micro-tears that could increase your risk of contracting an STI or UTI. Plus, “the vagina has its own self-cleaning mechanism, so the vagina’s already doing that work for you,” explains Marcantonio.
When it comes to hygiene, though, you can always clean your vulva (that is, the external part of your genitals) with a little soap and water beforehand, especially if that would help you feel more comfortable.
You should also talk to your partner about your STI status, and whether or not you’ll be using a barrier like a dental dam. Because, unfortunately…
Can STIs be spread through cunnilingus?
Yes. Many of the most common STIs, like chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis, can be spread through cunnilingus, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. So even if you and your partner won’t be engaging in any genital-to-genital contact, it’s just as important to get tested and know your status—and avoid oral sex if you or your partner has a genital herpes outbreak or a cold sore, says Brito.
Add some dirty talk.
Especially if you know your partner might be feeling vulnerable, feel free to tell them how good they taste, feel, and look, and how turned on you are. (Of course, if your mouth is too, um, occupied, you can show them how you’re feeling through moans.)
And if you’re feeling vulnerable or nervous, dirty talk can be a hot way to check in on how they feel and what’s working while you’re still ~in the moment~. “Checking in too often can be annoying, because then, when you ask the question, you’re actually taking them out of their head,” Stewart warns—but framing it as dirty talk? “Then, that can not only be a source of checking in, but it’s also sexy.”
Marcantonio also advocates for using dirty talk as a directive or request, whether you’re giving or receiving oral. For example, you might tell your partner how much you’d love to go down on them. If you’d like to receive a little cunnilingus, you can say that you’d love to feel your partner’s mouth on your clit. Hot, hot, hot!
You don’t have to stick to the clitoris.
The clitoris might be the most sensitive part, but show the rest of your partner’s vulva some love, too, says Brito. For example, they might enjoy it if you slip your tongue into their vagina—but get the go-ahead first. (Again, when you’re in the heat of the moment, you can always get consent through dirty talk.)
Take your time.
If you have a penis, you might not be accustomed to how long it could take someone with a vulva to climax from oral sex, Brito points out. If you’re both hoping your partner orgasms, try not to use up your energy right away, and try not to get frustrated if it takes them longer than expected. And on that note…
Don’t get too caught up in whether or when they’ll orgasm.
If you’re only going down on your partner because you’re waiting for an orgasm to happen, “the other person’s going to know that you think this is a job, as opposed to a pleasurable activity that you’re enjoying,” Brito says. “The person’s going to feel your attitude in how you approach it. So I think the mistake is seeing it as a chore, as a performance, and not being in the moment.” In other words, it’s not fun to have any kind of sex if your partner’s just waiting for it to end, right?
Practice aftercare.
After receiving cunnilingus, it’s always a good idea to pee afterwards to “flush out that system,” Marcantonio explains. If you’re interested in washing off a bit, “showering together afterwards can also be a great way to connect,” she adds.
Aside from that, everyone has different needs after sex, stresses Marcantonio. Some people might want to enjoy a sweet treat, drink a glass of water, or cuddle. You might also choose to debrief, and discuss what the experience was like for both of you—and ask what you can do to make it even better next time.
Whether you’re a beginner or an oral sex savant, these should be some powerful pleasure tips. Use all these pleasure points throughout the vulva to provide the best oral sex possible. The key to the best sex is, of course, communication. So talk, listen, and invite feedback on your oral sex abilities. Now you officially know how to perform cunnilingus, congratulations! You can only keep improving from here!