If you want to maintain a strong romantic relationship or mend one that’s struggling, these strategies can assist you in feeling loved and connected with your partner.
What constitutes a healthy relationship?
Each romantic relationship is distinct, and individuals unite for various reasons. A defining characteristic of a healthy relationship is having a shared vision of what the relationship should be and its future direction. This understanding can only be achieved through deep and honest conversations with your partner.
Nonetheless, there are certain traits that most healthy relationships tend to share. Recognizing these fundamental principles can help keep your relationship meaningful, satisfying, and exciting, regardless of the goals you’re pursuing or the challenges you encounter together.
You maintain a significant emotional bond with each other. Each partner makes the other feel cherished and emotionally fulfilled. There is a distinction between being loved and feeling loved. When you experience love, it makes you feel accepted and valued by your partner, as though someone truly understands you. Some relationships may settle into a state of peaceful coexistence, but if partners aren’t genuinely connecting emotionally, distance can develop despite the apparent stability of the union.
You’re not afraid to engage in (respectful) disagreements. Some couples prefer to discuss matters quietly, while others may express their disagreements more passionately. However, the essential aspect of a strong relationship is the absence of fear when it comes to conflict. It’s crucial to feel safe expressing concerns without fear of backlash and to be able to resolve conflicts without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.
You nurture outside relationships and personal interests. Contrary to the portrayals in romantic fiction or films, no one person can fulfill all your needs. In fact, placing excessive expectations on your partner can create unhealthy pressure on the relationship. To enhance and enrich your romantic connection, it’s vital to maintain your own identity outside the relationship, keep in touch with good friends and family, and engage in your hobbies and interests.
You practice open and honest communication. Effective communication is a cornerstone of any relationship. When both partners are aware of their desires for the relationship and feel at ease expressing their needs, fears, and aspirations, it can foster trust and strengthen the bond between you.
Falling in love vs. developing a relationship
For many, falling in love seems to occur naturally. However, building a relationship and maintaining that feeling of being in love—or keeping the “falling in love” sensation alive—demands commitment and effort.
Given the benefits, it’s worth the work. A healthy, secure romantic relationship can provide ongoing support and joy in your life during both good and challenging times, enhancing all aspects of your wellbeing. By taking steps now to preserve or revive your falling in love experience, you can cultivate a significant, healthy relationship that endures—even for a lifetime.
Many couples tend to focus on their relationship only when faced with specific, unavoidable issues. Once these challenges are addressed, they often revert their attention back to careers, children, or other interests.
However, romantic relationships require continuous attention and commitment for love to thrive. As long as the wellbeing of your romantic relationship is important to you, it will need your attention and effort. Addressing a minor issue in your relationship now can often help prevent it from escalating into a larger problem later on.
Guidelines for maintaining a healthy relationship
All romantic relationships experience fluctuations, and they all require work, commitment, and adaptability with your partner. Yet, whether your relationship is newly formed or has been established for years, there are actions you can take to nurture and sustain a healthy connection.
Even if you have experienced numerous unsuccessful relationships in the past or faced challenges in rekindling romance in your current partnership, you can discover ways to remain connected, find fulfillment, and achieve lasting happiness.
The following strategies can assist you in preserving that feeling of falling in love and sustaining a healthy romantic relationship.
Tip 1: Maintain connection through communication
Effective communication is a fundamental element of a healthy relationship. When you share a positive emotional connection with your partner, you feel secure and content. A breakdown in communication can lead to a disconnect, particularly during times of change or stress. It may seem straightforward, but as long as you are communicating, you can generally navigate through any issues you encounter.
It can be challenging to express your needs. For many, there isn’t enough time spent reflecting on what truly matters in a relationship. Even if you have clarity on your needs, communicating them effectively can be difficult.
Let your partner know what you require; don’t leave them to figure it out.
If you’ve been together for some time, you might think your partner has a solid grasp of your thoughts and needs. Nevertheless, your partner cannot read your mind. Even though they might have an inkling, it’s far healthier to articulate your needs directly to prevent any misunderstanding.
Your partner may pick up on something, but it may not align with what you truly want. Additionally, people evolve, and your needs and desires from five years ago might differ significantly now. So, rather than allowing frustration, confusion, or anger to build as your partner continues to misunderstand you, make it a habit to clearly communicate what you require.
Pay attention to your partner’s nonverbal signals.
Much of our communication is conveyed through our unspoken expressions. Nonverbal signals, which encompass eye contact, tone of voice, body posture, and actions like leaning in, crossing your arms, or touching, often communicate more than verbal language.
By recognizing your partner’s nonverbal signals or “body language,” you can gain insight into their true feelings and react appropriately. For a relationship to flourish, it’s essential that both partners comprehend their own and each other’s nonverbal cues. Responses can vary between individuals. For instance, one might find a hug after a tough day to be a loving interaction, while another may prefer to take a walk or engage in conversation.
It’s also crucial to ensure that your verbal communication aligns with your body language. If you say “I’m fine,” but clench your teeth and avert your gaze, your body is obviously indicating that you are anything but “fine.”
When positive emotional cues are exchanged between you and your partner, both of you feel loved and joyful. Conversely, neglecting the importance of each other’s emotions can erode your connection, leading to poor communication, especially in stressful situations.
Practice being a good listener.
In our society, there’s considerable emphasis on speaking, but learning to listen in a way that makes someone feel appreciated and understood can strengthen your bond significantly.
There is a significant distinction between active listening and merely hearing. When you truly listen—when you’re engaged with what your partner is saying—you’ll notice the subtle nuances in their voice that reveal their true feelings and the emotions they aim to convey.
Being an attentive listener doesn’t mean you have to agree with your partner or alter your opinion. However, it will aid you in finding shared perspectives that can help address conflicts.
Recognize your own and your partner’s love languages.
Expressing love to your partner can become simpler when you grasp their “love language,” or how they like to give and receive love. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the popular book “The 5 Love Languages,” there are five primary love languages:
1. Words of affirmation
2. Acts of service
3. Receiving gifts
4. Quality time
5. Physical touch
To ensure your partner feels the love you wish to convey, it’s vital to communicate it in their primary love language. For instance, if their love language is words of affirmation, then using kind words will express your affection more effectively than a gesture, gift, or an act of service.
Handle stress effectively.
When you are under stress or emotionally overwhelmed, you’re more likely to misinterpret your partner’s actions, give confusing or unwelcoming nonverbal signals, or revert to unhealthy instinctive reactions. How many times have you been stressed, reacted harshly towards your partner, and said or done something you later regretted?
If you can learn to manage stress swiftly and return to a composed state, you’ll not only prevent such regrettable moments but also help minimize misunderstandings and conflicts—and even assist your partner in calming down when tensions rise.
Tip 2: Make time for face-to-face interaction.
You fall in love while gazing at each other and listening to one another. If you continue to look and listen attentively, you can maintain that experience of falling in love over time. You likely have cherished memories of your early dates, where everything felt new and exciting, and you could spend hours just talking or brainstorming exciting activities to try together.
However, as time progresses, the pressures of work, family, and other responsibilities, as well as the individual’s need for personal time, can make it challenging to find time together.
Many couples discover that the direct interactions of their early relationship start to be replaced by rushed texts, emails, and direct messages. While digital communication can be effective for certain purposes, it doesn’t affect your brain and nervous system in the same beneficial way that face-to-face communication does.
Sending a text or voice note to your significant other saying “I love you” is nice, but if you seldom look at them or find time to relax together, they may still feel unappreciated or misunderstood. This can lead to a greater sense of distance or disconnection as a couple.
The emotional signals required for both of you to feel loved can solely be expressed face-to-face, so regardless of how hectic life becomes, it’s essential to allocate time for each other.
Make a commitment to regularly spend quality time together. No matter how busy life gets, take a few minutes every day to put away your electronic devices, stop multitasking, and truly engage with your partner.
Discover activities that you both find enjoyable, whether it’s a mutual hobby, a dance class, a daily stroll, or sipping coffee together in the morning.
Try engaging in new experiences together. Exploring new activities can be an enjoyable way to bond and maintain excitement. This could be as simple as visiting a new restaurant or taking a day trip to someplace you’ve never explored.
Prioritize having fun together. Couples tend to be more playful and fun during the initial phases of a relationship. However, that playful spirit can occasionally fade as life’s obstacles arise or old grievances accumulate.
Maintaining a sense of humor can actually help navigate challenging times, lower stress, and facilitate easier resolution of issues. Consider surprise gestures for your partner, like bringing home flowers or spontaneously reserving a table at their favorite dining spot. Spending time playing with pets or young children can also help you reconnect with your fun side.
Engage in activities together that benefit others. One of the most effective ways to stay close and connected is to focus on a shared cause or project that you both care about outside your relationship. Volunteering for a meaningful cause can keep your relationship lively and engaging. It also introduces you both to new people and ideas, provides opportunities for tackling challenges together, and offers new ways to interact.
In addition to alleviating stress, anxiety, and depression, helping others brings significant joy. Humans are innately driven to assist others. The more you contribute, the happier you’ll feel—as individuals and as a couple.
Tip 3: Maintain physical intimacy.
Touch is an essential aspect of human life. Research on infants highlights the critical role of regular, loving contact for brain development. The benefits extend beyond childhood. Affectionate touch increases levels of oxytocin, a hormone linked to bonding and connection.
Sex often serves as a fundamental component of a committed partnership. It can offer an intimate emotional experience and is a valuable tool for enhancing mental, physical, and emotional well-being. Nevertheless, many couples find it challenging to discuss sex, particularly when issues arise. Feelings of shame, embarrassment, and hurt can often hinder physical intimacy and create distance.
Regardless of the challenges you’re facing, numerous steps can be taken to rejuvenate your sex life and experience greater satisfaction. For instance, erectile dysfunction can be a tricky subject to approach, but there are solutions available.
It’s also crucial to remember that sex should not be the exclusive means of physical intimacy in your partnership. Regular, affectionate gestures—such as holding hands, hugging, and kissing—can also be equally significant, particularly if your partner’s primary love language is physical touch.
Of course, it’s essential to be mindful of your partner’s preferences. Unwanted touch or inappropriate advances can cause the other person to feel uncomfortable and withdraw—exactly what you aim to avoid. Like many other components of a healthy relationship, this boils down to effective communication of your needs and intentions with your partner, as well as understanding how they prefer to receive expressions of love.
Even if you are juggling demanding jobs or young children, you can keep physical intimacy alive by intentionally setting aside regular couple time, whether that involves a date night or simply an hour at the day’s end when you can sit together and talk or hold hands.
Tip 4: Understand the importance of reciprocity in your relationship
If you anticipate getting your way all the time in a relationship, you’re likely to feel let down. Strong relationships rely on compromise, but it requires effort from both individuals to ensure a balanced exchange.
Acknowledge what matters to your partner. Understanding what is genuinely important to your partner can greatly contribute to fostering goodwill and a spirit of compromise. Conversely, it’s also vital for your partner to acknowledge your needs, and for you to communicate them clearly. Consistently prioritizing others over your own needs will only breed resentment and frustration.
Avoid making “winning” your objective. If you approach your partner with a perspective that insists everything must go your way, reaching a compromise will be challenging. This mindset might stem from unmet needs in childhood or years of built-up resentment in the relationship. It’s acceptable to hold strong beliefs about certain issues, but your partner’s voice also deserves consideration. Be respectful of their views.
Learn how to solve conflicts respectfully.
Disagreements are unavoidable in any relationship, but for it to remain robust, both individuals must feel acknowledged. The aim is not to prevail but to reinforce and sustain the relationship.
Ensure that you engage in fair fighting. Keep your focus on the specific issue and show respect toward the other person. Avoid initiating arguments over matters that are beyond change.
Refrain from directly attacking someone; instead, use “I” statements to express your feelings. For instance, rather than saying, “You make me feel bad,” try “I feel bad when that happens.”
Do not bring up previous arguments. Rather than dragging old disputes or grievances into the conversation, concentrate on how to address the current issue effectively.
Be open to forgiving. Conflict resolution becomes impossible if you aren’t willing or able to forgive others.
If tensions rise, take a pause. Allow yourself a few moments to alleviate stress and gain composure before saying or doing something you might regret. Always remind yourself that you are arguing with someone you care about.
Recognize when to let something go. If consensus cannot be achieved, agree to disagree. It takes both partners to keep an argument alive. If a disagreement is leading nowhere, you can opt to disengage and move forward.
Tip 5: Be ready for fluctuations
It’s essential to understand that every relationship experiences highs and lows. You won’t always have the same perspective.
At times, one partner might be dealing with an issue that causes stress, like the loss of a loved one. Other situations, such as losing a job or facing serious health challenges, can affect both partners and hinder mutual understanding. Different views on managing finances or child-rearing can also arise.
People respond to stress in various ways, and misunderstandings can quickly escalate into frustration and anger.
Avoid transferring your frustrations onto your partner. Life’s stresses can make us irritable. If you’re dealing with significant stress, it may seem easier to vent to your partner, and it might feel safer to express anger towards them. While this might initially provide relief, it gradually damages your relationship. Seek healthier outlets for managing your stress, anger, and frustration.
Attempting to force a resolution can lead to additional issues. Each person processes problems and challenges uniquely. Keep in mind that you are a team. Progressing together can help you navigate the difficult times.
Reflect on the beginnings of your relationship. Revisit the moments that united you, analyze when you began to drift apart, and discuss how you can work together to revitalize that feeling of falling in love.
Be ready for changes. Change is a part of life, and it will occur whether you embrace it or resist it. Adaptability is crucial for managing the continual changes in any relationship, allowing you to grow together through both good and bad times.
If outside help is necessary for your relationship, seek assistance together. At times, relationship challenges may seem too complex or overwhelming for the two of you to handle alone. Couples therapy can be beneficial. If preferred, there are online counseling services available, with some accepting insurance. Alternatively, discussing your issues with a trusted friend or religious leader could also prove advantageous.